That sounds absolutely amazing. How do you even get to know about those types of projects and to apply?

Yeah, I mean, I just got lucky in that I heard from my mom about the program, the Yella Commit to Action Program and I just applied and I know a lot of kids, like they were, it was presented at their school, but yeah, so like it was, it was truly luck and it worked out and I was like really grateful that I happened.

It was meant to be.

I think so.

So you're going to be a sophomore in college. Is that right now?

Yeah. Oh my gosh. I feel old.

I know you're so old now. : ) So your video that I watched this morning about you basically saying that you're growing up and, you know, apologized for being inconsistent for your videos and stuff, what, after that year has passed now, what have you learned about yourself that you can look back and say, wow, this is how I grew in the last year, for anyone that might be going through a new transition in life.

Yeah, I think I learned Just how to trust myself more and also how to forgive myself a bit more because I tend to hold myself to a very high standard. And I think we all tend to do that. Like we tend to be very like unforgiving with any of the mistakes we made. And I know for me, like for YouTube, that was a big source of guilt for me of like, why aren't you uploading? Why aren't you making videos? Like, why aren't you like doing new blog posts every week? And what I discovered in college is like I was going at my own pace, you know, like I was still a student on top of that. I was still dancing on top of that. 

I was still in extracurriculars and college that first year was really about like, discovering more about myself and who I am, what my values are, what I stand for, what I want to do. And in discovering those things, like I also discovered being able to forgive myself and give myself the space to like take my own time and go at my own pace and just know, whatever you're doing is enough. Even if you're pausing a certain hobby of yours, like, for example, like if I took a break from You Tube, like, Hey, like I'm not a flawed person because of that. It's just, I'm going at my own pace. And like, that's the pace I needed to be at. So I think that that first year of independence and like figuring stuff out on my own really gave me that, that sense of like, it's okay.

I think we do put ourselves through a very high standards. What other things do you, can you tell yourself, or do you tell yourself or advice that you can share to anyone that has done that too about, hey, you are okay with where you are right now and not trying to internalize all the pressures from what everyone else is doing.

Yeah. I mean, it's hard. It's really hard because like, we naturally seek, I think like validation, right. And we just really want like everyone to be happy with us and we want everyone to be like, you're doing so good. And it's, sometimes we will, we'll be getting that validation. And sometimes people will recognize what we're doing, but in the same sense, and at the same time, you could be working on something for a long time and no one will ever know about it. And that doesn't make that thing any less amazing, you know, or any less about to change the world. 

So, knowing that and knowing that everything that you do is valuable and everything that you do is a part of your journey, no matter what, your bad thing, whether you're going through a struggle or going through a really good time, it is a part of your journey. And it's useful to you and finding that value in yourself is I think the advice that I've been trying to take of, I would always want for a YouTube video or for a blog for other people to like it, right. I would always want, you know, my parents and my friends or my whatever to like read it or watch it and tell me if it's good. And it's like, that's good and well, and having feedback is very important, but what matters most is do you like it? 

When you watch it, do you feel something? Do you feel like your message is the message that you want it? 

So that was really hard for me to wrap my head around and like start implementing. But that's what I've been trying to do more of, if I made this thing, do I like it? Do I think it's making a difference? And if, if I think yes to those answers, then I'm on the right track. And no matter if somebody supports me or not, I'm on my right track, you know?

Yeah. Do you have those internal dialogues with yourself while you're making something? Like, what would my mom say about this? Or what was my best friend say about this?

Yeah. It's like, it's a constant battle. Like with everything I make, I try and like step back. But of course, like the first thing you think of is like, what are the people gonna think, like, what if this person hates it? And it's like, it's not about that. It's not about, but it's hard. Yeah. The dialogue, I mean, even when I've been implementing this self love and this, this, I don't know, self-validation, it's still hard not to think about external.

Yeah. I mean, I do it and I'm in my, you know, mid, mid forties and I still do it. I mean, it does not get easier. You can be more strict with yourself and say, okay, now that's not true. And you need to do this for you, but it's still there. Which I don't know if I thought it was going to go away. Hopefully it'll go away for, for the younger generation more than it has for me. But can you tell me a little bit more about how you're using self care and self love that others might be able to learn from?

Yeah. I mean, self care, self love are both things that I've talked a lot about being somebody who talks about mental health. With both of those things. I feel like there tends to be, I don't know how to phrase this, but like an idea that like you have to do it perfectly, or that there's like one way of like doing self love or self care. And that it's all very pretty and fluffy and nice and face masks and baths. And it's like, I've found that my self love and self care can be hard work sometimes. 

And it could be quite literally the opposite of a relaxing bath with a face mask on, but it's still self-love because for me, self-love means doing things for me, which is hard again, when you're somebody who's like a people pleaser and somebody who tends to, I dunno, a lot of internalized stuff tends to come out as trying to please others. So turning that into, I'm going to do something for myself, no matter what anyone else says, I'm going to today buy myself a nice thing. 

Today, I'm going to, when I look in the mirror and my brain tells me that I don't look good, I'm going to actively fight against that and say, nah, I look awesome. Even if that's hard now. So it's a battle and it's a journey. But I think just figuring out what it is that you need, figuring it out, figuring out what it is your body needs and being aware of what those things are and how to meet them is what I would say is the start of that. And it's a journey and you're going to go up and down and like, I am not perfect at self-love. I am not perfect at self care. I, there are days where I know I probably should be nicer to myself, but I'm just not because it's hard, you know? So it's just a matter of really trying to support yourself as best as you can, you know, with the tools that you have.

Yeah. That's good. I liked the part where you said self-love, isn't necessarily a beautiful picture of you with a face mask or, you know, relaxing at a spa. It's definitely harder.

I like that could be it. That definitely could be it, but it doesn't have to be.

Yeah. So you touched earlier about your project with mental health and your eating disorder in junior high. If someone was listening to this that might be struggling with body image issues, what advice would you, what would you tell her?

Yeah, I mean, well, first of all, if it is in any way, an eating disorder, professional help, professional help, professional help, I can never say that more even disorders are the number one, most fatal mental illness. A lot of people don't know that, but those things are serious and they can have real, real health detriments to you. So seeking professional help is really hard and it is very brave. And anybody who does that, I respect them and they're on the right track. 

But if it's to a lesser degree, maybe it's not an eating disorder. It's just body image issues. You know, it's really hard. It's hard out here. Like for me, I personally, I struggle with like body dysmorphia and just not being able to handle, like, for me, it's hard for me to look in the mirror, like at my body. Cause I just like, mean it's just like, ermh nope, but learning that, at least for me, I started applying body neutrality, which is the idea that you are a lot more than your body. 

Like you, you have your personality, your interests, your everything outside, things that have to do with how you look. And I know for me that started helping me because there were some days where I just looked at the mirror and I could not think a positive thing. And then I just felt horrible. And I was like, all right, so what are we going to do with this? How can we turn this into something positive? And I was like, all right, I'm just going to direct my energy somewhere else and say, you know what? I might not be good at thinking that my body looks good, but I am good at taking pictures. And I know I'm a damn good photographer, or I know that I'm a damn good writer and I would just switch the subject. 

So it definitely is a subjective thing, figuring out what it is that your brain needs to calm down, but working on self love and self care helps with that a lot, because the more you start to accept yourself for who you are. And I really think self-love one of the most, most important parts of it is accepting that you're a person who is made up of dark and light. Like we are very complex individuals. There is no one person that is just positive because that would be not good. Like if you were just positive all the time, like that wouldn't be beneficial. 

So acknowledging in myself that I'm a very gray, complex person made up of dark and light, that helped me accept myself and in turn made, looking at my body and accepting my body a lot easier because I was like, even if I don't like my body, I can know that that's okay. You know, and I can do work on liking it, which is what I've been doing because it's taken a couple of years. I've, I've, I've been dealing with this since I was 12 and I'm 19 now. So that's like, it's a long time and it's a long journey, but you, you get better with time. You get a lot better with time. So just give yourself the chance to heal.

I think that's so smart about what you said about, if you look in the mirror and you can't just think of anything positive to say, to switch subjects and talk about what you are good at, because your brain can only think one thought at a time. So instead of trying to force your brain to think something that it's not naturally thinking, right. Just go and do something else and be distracted and constantly does make you feel good.

Instead of forcing the positivity, find something that's already there and build upon it. 

Yeah. All right. So thank you for, for being brave and sharing that story. This podcast is called GIRLBRAVE, and I'd love to hear your definition of being brave. And if you think you are brave.

I think my definition of brave would just be standing up for what you believe in no matter what, no matter what anyone tells you, including the people that you hold dearest. Cause I think probably the most brave thing to do is to stand up in opposition or, or just, even in your own sense to others. In terms of if I think I'm brave, I think, I think yes and no. Sometimes I am and sometimes I'm not. And I would love to be more brave and say black and white.

Sure. There's black and white, you know, in all of us. Right? Sometimes I consider myself brave and sometimes I don't and last weekend had deliver care packages to houses and we're supposed to put them on the ground and bring the doorbell and say, this is a free gift. And I was so petrified of ringing the doorbell and talking to people. It's like, what is my deal?

No, that's totally valid.

I was not brave.

It's still brave. It's still brave. Like, do you know like the amount of times, like I've rehearsed it in order in my head before, like, I'll be like, it's a mocha with no whip. It's a mocha with no whip. Yeah. I got this,

Especially at Starbucks where like a half pump, do I even say that

Is that to annoying if I'm personalizing your drink? Like totally.

That's what they're there for everyone personalizes their drink there, right?

Easily.

Well, I love your saying that you say at the end of some of your videos about be anything but NOORmal. Thank you. Tell me a little bit about that.

Yeah. Basically like my friends and I would just like have this like game where we would put each other's names into like normal words. And my name was really good for that because one, it rhymes with a lot of stuff, but it's short. So you can just put it until like we would, I don't know. You could put it into anything, but something that started happening, you know, when you introduce yourself, like people will have a thing to say about your name, always like, or they'll just be common things that people say to you. 

But the common joke that I would get is like, not your, not normal, but something along the lines of like, you're a very abnormal, like I'm a very outgoing, weird person. And it's funny that my name would fit into normal when I'm not normal. And so I was like, you know, it was, it came from strangers, but also like friends. So like I got it from everyone where people would say something along those lines. And I was like, there's something here. Like I was like, there's is a tag line. There's like a saying. And then one day I was just in my room and I was like, anything but NOORmal, like I'm anything but NOORmal. And I was like, that's my new phrase? Like, that's my new thing. And it just became a thing. 

I started saying it at the end of my YouTube videos, but then it, like when people at school saw it, they were like, she's anything but normal. And I made a shirt, it became like a joke, but also in a weird sense, like something that was really validating for me and something that like kept me going and like, yeah, I am anything but normal. Like, I'm on my own path. I'm doing my own thing. Like, I'm my own person. Like I have my own name. And like, it just became like sort of motivational in a way, like as much as it was like a meme and like a joke, like it actually like had some substance to my life.

I love that. I want to think of one for me now.

Yeah. Everyone should make one, make yourself a little tagline. Why not?

I love it. So I have, that's all the questions I have, but I have this idea and I don't, I can't find the actual questions, but I think I can remember some of them. So I have a series of like six questions that I thought I'd ask that just like random questions.

Okay.

Okay. So which person inspires you the most? Or who inspires you the most?

Oh, man, this is really hard, can I give two answers? Okay. I'd say first, my dad, which is like stereotypical, but like dead dead ass. My father is a genius science man. And it's funny because I became like an artsy girl, but he really, I don't know. He instilled a lot of like good sayings and like that man was just like really, really so there for me and helped me a lot in my life and gave me good guidance and inspired me when I was uninspired and supported me when no one else did. So he always pushed me to like go farther. 

But my second person would be this guy Donald Glover, he's who I look to artistically probably the most he's considered like the Renaissance Man of our generation, because he does comedy. He does acting, he does singing. He does producing. And I had always been somebody that was interested in multiple things. Like I was into writing. I was into dance. I was into film and my whole life adults would tell me like pick one thing and stick to it. 

And I hated, I hated when people would tell me that cause I was like, but what if I want to do all the things? And this man just did all of the things and was successful and all of them. And I just, that always inspired me and just like it made me know that I was on the right path and I could be doing multiple things at once and succeed in like all of them. So yeah. I look up to him a lot.

Awesome. My next question is, what is your favorite app right now?

Yeah, that's tough. I mean, I would say Instagram cause I'm on that a lot. I probably would just have to say Instagram. That's probably the main app I use. Yeah. Or YouTube because you know, if I ever need something to turn to at night, that's where go.

Cool. Jeans or leggings?

Leggings, just for comfort.

Salty or sweet?

Right now, salty. Although I used to, like, I used to be such a sweet tooth and weirdly I'm like losing it right now and I'm just like craving salty things.

What is the favorite thing about yourself?

Oh man, you are good at this. This is tough. I'd say maybe my ability. I tend to be like a cup, half full person. I can always see like the bright side of things, even if it's a really not good thing. I'll make the most out of any situation. So I'll give him that credit.

Awesome. And then my last question is if you could have any superpower, what would it be and why.

This, I literally think about this a lot. So like, cause there's so many powers that like, I think, I think I would use the power of healing and I would try and use it to heal the world. Like that's like, it seems like a pretty big goal, but like I would hope to have the power of healing and then I would hope that it's a power that can just like change per each person, you know? Like it heals them in the way that they need to be healed. So then we can just have like a nice healed world.

I love it. I think you should work on that. Meditate on it and yet put your light out to everyone.

Absolutely. My name means light in Arabic.

So there you go. There you go. It's true. Thank you so much for being here. This was not much fun.

This was so great. I had such an amazing time.

Awesome. Well, I will be in contact and have a great rest of your summer. And will you be off to college again in a couple of weeks?

I'm staying online, but I am starting school. So cool. Well, I can't wait to see some more of your videos, especially as you study film and new media or what did you say that you were studying? What was your major film and media that's correct?

Yes. Okay, great. Great, perfect. Awesome. Well, good luck with everything.

Thank you so much. We'll talk to you soon. Bye.

Thanks for joining us on the GIRLBRAVE podcast. Go to PincurlGirls.com to hear more interviews with inspiring girls. And if you want to get on our daily texts list, go ahead and click the encouraging text tab at the top. We'll see you next time. Bye.